


I Know What Love Is

by Kunabee



Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry, abuse mention, but shit's there and very implied, it doesn't go into detail, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26640706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kunabee/pseuds/Kunabee
Summary: it's a poem.probably would be a good slam poem, the rhythm would be nice read aloud.whatever.
Kudos: 2





	I Know What Love Is

i know what love is  
it's tender and soft and small  
it's hard and powerful and painful  
love is a dichotomy that only some people can actually understand  
but mostly is just felt.  
in every explanation i find that words  
fail.

i know what unconditional love looks like  
and i know what it's supposed to be  
i've not found it in god or family but only  
in children.

who love carelessly, unceasingly,  
who love because there is nothing more worthy  
more holy  
than love.

unconditional love is a child to their parents  
because no matter how their parents hurt them  
no matter what happens to the child  
they still  
love  
them  
like a dog who will smile and wag his tail  
regardless of how badly he's been beaten  
that is what love is,  
what unconditional love and parents -  
parents place  
expectations  
upon the shoulders of their children.

i don't understand why they turn around and they tell me  
they love me  
they wanted to share this poem because it encapsulates how they feel  
and it is a sweet poem a good poem  
a poem about love and a father loving his daughter and  
i look at my hands and i wonder  
if the father would love his daughter  
if she realized she was a son.

see, love is  
consequences  
you see it is expectations it is  
you have to be and you cannot be and  
what you once were  
what you will be  
what you never could be.

love is intertwined with other things  
there is no such thing as a pure love.  
i used to believe there was but  
jesus christ  
is not so perfect as we've been told  
as he cast out the sellers in the temple  
he did it  
with anger  
not righteousness.

i cannot believe that god is all-loving  
because he is either all-loving or all-powerful  
and while i can understand  
all the horrible things that are caused by human hands  
in the name of 'free will' and 'choices'  
there are terrible  
terminal  
diseases  
that strike down children  
and that has no justification  
(not like abuse  
murder  
rape  
have any justification either).

if love is so contorted  
so manipulated  
how can i believe someone  
when they say  
they love me?

i know what love looks like and love  
is not pure or good though i try to justify it  
and paint it in broad strokes of charity and compassion  
of selflessness and wonderment and as the  
only thing  
holy  
i understand that it cannot be  
it's as bitter and broken as the rest.

i sing (i scream) my calls for help  
usually go unanswered and i am  
trying  
while i feel myself break a little more  
i don't quite understand why  
nobody else sees  
the cracks.

i'm looking for the one true good  
if morality is subjective what else can i do?  
i know there is god  
and gods  
but i am not sure if  
any of them  
are worth  
believing in.

this is what i mean  
when i say  
that i am bitter  
that i am too broken  
to ever be fixed  
there are problems i cannot speak of  
for when i do  
who listens?  
who cares?  
who understands?

i'll get  
'it's okay you feel that way'  
and the same kind of platitudes  
that it makes sense i'm hurting  
that it's okay  
and attempts at solutions  
that i've all heard before.

make the world better  
live one day at a time  
find happiness in the small things:  
i already do.

maybe i just haven't found the words yet  
to explain what the problem is  
and if i keep trying  
keep writing  
my soul out on paper blank pages that blinking line on that word document  
i will finally be able to explain  
that i have been trying  
and i try still  
and i am not recovering  
and i wish i didn't have to feel.

my wires have already been rewritten  
paths well-trod by the electric  
jolt-jump-shift of trauma and  
it takes decades to recover  
and somehow  
i am supposed to function and be strong.

i look at my hands and wonder  
what it is about me  
that was written so wrong.


End file.
